At this moment I feel as if I’m being catapulted through a long, dark subway tunnel except I’m not on a subway car. Strange, because, I’ve never even seen a subway. I am on my own again.
There’s this invisible force pushing my body and at the same time pulling me away from everything familiar. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? What’s my next step?
I thought my job was going to be working at being a better wife and friend. Apparently, that’s not going to happen. I’m tired of being rejected. Going around the same mountain is completely pointless so why am I doing it? This brings me to the most basic question.
Why am I not good enough? I don’t understand. Except, there’s this. I’m not thin. I’m not smart. I don’t reach for your hand. I stare at your mouth and then look away- remembering every day. I’m a stupid bitch and a selfish little thing. I can’t please you, why do I try? Everything I say and do you say you see the truth. My reality is different and I think you know the rouse. No matter though, this whole languid Greek tragedy is over.
I’m looking for myself today because I’m all alone* I glance out the window and think of my former home *Where have I gone, What have I done, I bend down and pick up a stone*He’s rejected me again, I’m pulling out my hair, will I ever learn? *The rain begins to fall and tempers start to flare*The sound of anger in his voice and his callous stare just breaks my heart and brings me tears*I’m looking for myself today, as he decided not to love me, and is no longer here.
He chopped at the log with the fury of a Greek God The foggy mountain top he raised his head to gaze Armed sufficiently when insincerity and indecency collide His flaming head now full of dread and thinking that he’s dead Damning thoughts they disappear the ax he swings relieved Fully consumed with gratitude she lays him-freed, in the ground.
Yes, my poems seem dark and dreary. One time I tried a happy verse but it didn’t seem to work. The clouds blocked the sun, the earth began to shake.The time and space continuum collided and NASA locked me up. Then, the CIA got involved and called me a national threat. They flagged my email, spied on my journal and called the President. All the Heads of State met deciding what to do. They put me in orange, cuffed my hands and threw me in Gitmo. So, I no longer write the happy verse and have begun to curse. You should hear the words that came out-even the terrorists became afraid-and ran from this little blonde girl.