At this moment I feel as if I’m being catapulted through a long, dark subway tunnel except I’m not on a subway car. Strange, because, I’ve never even seen a subway. I am on my own again.
There’s this invisible force pushing my body and at the same time pulling me away from everything familiar. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? What’s my next step?
I thought my job was going to be working at being a better wife and friend. Apparently, that’s not going to happen. I’m tired of being rejected. Going around the same mountain is completely pointless so why am I doing it? This brings me to the most basic question.
Why am I not good enough? I don’t understand. Except, there’s this. I’m not thin. I’m not smart. I don’t reach for your hand. I stare at your mouth and then look away- remembering every day. I’m a stupid bitch and a selfish little thing. I can’t please you, why do I try? Everything I say and do you say you see the truth. My reality is different and I think you know the rouse. No matter though, this whole languid Greek tragedy is over.
I’m looking for myself today because I’m all alone* I glance out the window and think of my former home *Where have I gone, What have I done, I bend down and pick up a stone*He’s rejected me again, I’m pulling out my hair, will I ever learn? *The rain begins to fall and tempers start to flare*The sound of anger in his voice and his callous stare just breaks my heart and brings me tears*I’m looking for myself today, as he decided not to love me, and is no longer here.