via Daily Prompt: Inhabit
I am inhabited by the words of your mouth
Your mouth that inhabits and lingers in the air
The air that surrounds and drowns out my fears
My fears that resonate and inhabit these tears
These tears on my face drip down to my lips
My lips that part slightly and out comes a quip.
At this moment I feel as if I’m being catapulted through a long, dark subway tunnel except I’m not on a subway car. Strange, because, I’ve never even seen a subway. I am on my own again.
There’s this invisible force pushing my body and at the same time pulling me away from everything familiar. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? What’s my next step?
I thought my job was going to be working at being a better wife and friend. Apparently, that’s not going to happen. I’m tired of being rejected. Going around the same mountain is completely pointless so why am I doing it? This brings me to the most basic question.
What is left to live for?
Why am I not good enough? I don’t understand. Except, there’s this. I’m not thin. I’m not smart. I don’t reach for your hand. I stare at your mouth and then look away- remembering every day. I’m a stupid bitch and a selfish little thing. I can’t please you, why do I try? Everything I say and do you say you see the truth. My reality is different and I think you know the rouse. No matter though, this whole languid Greek tragedy is over.
O’ why can’t I get out of here! Is it comfort, malaise, or not knowing how to deal?
I stare blankly into your eyes and you grasp me firmly in your arms- I scream, let me go!
You look away and then turn back with tears- what story line have you dreamed up?
This is it, yes is it, there is no other way. I push you off the cliff and you holler, still holding my hand.
We lay beside each other on the ground, black eyes shining- and a single raven…circling around.
I’m looking for myself today because I’m all alone* I glance out the window and think of my former home *Where have I gone, What have I done, I bend down and pick up a stone*He’s rejected me again, I’m pulling out my hair, will I ever learn? *The rain begins to fall and tempers start to flare*The sound of anger in his voice and his callous stare just breaks my heart and brings me tears*I’m looking for myself today, as he decided not to love me, and is no longer here.
Cranberry lips leave a thin line around the rim
He doesn’t remove it- thinks it’s hot and I’m fine
Wet lips explore his mouth and he tastes me like sweet candy
Relishing the intimate moments we’re daring to share
In the quiet of the moonlight we take our time to touch
To feel his large hands cupping me it’s almost. too. much.
Love or lust? Does it matter? Do I care?
His dark eyes and warm tan body makes me want to sin
Suddenly we are skin to skin and my hand rubs up and down him.
I am somewhere else not where I am lost in this daisy atmosphere going up, up, up
I was in a good place the other day but now I’m drifting away- too far, too much
As if there were no gravity to hold my soul in place and it hurts as it’s being torn out
The bpd is getting the best of me driving people I love away- even after he took me back
What kind of a fool am I that my mind torments me so as indelicacy grips my ribs and won’t let go
Will I survive another day to endure more of myself or at least what is left of this mad hat sanity
I am somewhere else not where I am and lost in this daisy atmosphere.