At this moment I feel as if I’m being catapulted through a long, dark subway tunnel except I’m not on a subway car. Strange, because, I’ve never even seen a subway. I am on my own again.
There’s this invisible force pushing my body and at the same time pulling me away from everything familiar. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? What’s my next step?
I thought my job was going to be working at being a better wife and friend. Apparently, that’s not going to happen. I’m tired of being rejected. Going around the same mountain is completely pointless so why am I doing it? This brings me to the most basic question.
Why am I not good enough? I don’t understand. Except, there’s this. I’m not thin. I’m not smart. I don’t reach for your hand. I stare at your mouth and then look away- remembering every day. I’m a stupid bitch and a selfish little thing. I can’t please you, why do I try? Everything I say and do you say you see the truth. My reality is different and I think you know the rouse. No matter though, this whole languid Greek tragedy is over.
I’m looking for myself today because I’m all alone* I glance out the window and think of my former home *Where have I gone, What have I done, I bend down and pick up a stone*He’s rejected me again, I’m pulling out my hair, will I ever learn? *The rain begins to fall and tempers start to flare*The sound of anger in his voice and his callous stare just breaks my heart and brings me tears*I’m looking for myself today, as he decided not to love me, and is no longer here.
You will fall hard for me this night because a girl like me is impossible to find. Oh my, how you will get addicted to me-but I can hardly blame you. I’m a drug, a hallucinogen, a horrid habit you are hungry to have as your hands explore the soft curvature of my hips. Go ahead nurture your power to knead my nipples and breathe on them with fanciful whispers of hate and heated passion. Lash out at me with deep seeded need from your depths and masquerading as a man filled with fire. Like the frenzied feeding of starving piranha you will seek me and devour me with deadly messy speed. Push me, pull me, give me more. Fall hard for me this night and then you’ll experience my primitive desire to score…